Career

Woman who refused to use digital calendar deserved to lose paper diary

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A Cirencester physiotherapist who refused to use a digital calendar to record appointments for her appointment-based business deserved to lose her paper diary, an investigation has shown.

“My schedule for the next three months was in there,” said Alicia McDonald, 42. “I swear I left it on the coffee table, or maybe I forgot it at Nina’s place when I popped over for a cuppa yesterday.”

“It’s not at Nina’s,” added Alicia, having phoned Nina.

Alicia’s daughter, Susannah McDonald, 15, says: “since I was 12, I’ve been telling my mum to use iCalendar, or Google Calendar, or literally any cloud-based appointments system. Making the efficient running of your professional life dependent on one easily misplaced physical object is just rank stupidity. I know that, and I’m a fucking child.”

“Someone probably hid it to teach her a lesson,” added Susannah. “Not me, obviously, but someone.”

According to concerned friends and relatives, Alicia has been frantically trying to cobble together her upcoming schedule from vague memories of conversations that Alicia “might have just dreamed.”

As her diary also contained all of her contacts and she is unable to recall any of her clients’ last names, Alicia must now “wait it out” in her physiotherapy office for the next three to six months, “just in case anybody shows up”.

Alicia has yet to make use of a digital calendar, explaining that she’s “confused by all the clicking.”

Sara Gibbs

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz and The Daily Mash. Sara crushes Wotsits into a fine powder before eating the remnants with her face (or with a teaspoon, in polite company).