Incredibly generous woman seriously thinks about volunteering

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Shocking news this evening as a Dorset woman finally Googles local volunteering opportunities after months of talking about “giving back”.

Latest reports suggest that Laura Kinksworth, 24, the up-and-coming Mother Theresa of Poole, currently has at least three different tabs open on her computer (four, including ASOS).

“I’ve always read that volunteering is just so good for, like, your soul,” said Laura. ‘Oh, and the community, I guess.”

While she hasn’t yet decided where she will donate her efforts, she has already looked up “charities and everything”. But despite the seeming plethora of opportunities, her search is proving fruitless.

“I can actually read, so I could, like, work for a kids’ literacy charity, although you have to do those for an entire school term, which is quite a big commitment. I mean, I could be in Barbados in three months. You just don’t know.”

Laura, who has no plans to move to Barbados, also found the roles weren’t quite tailored to her needs.

“I wanted to work at a food bank, but they only had spaces to be on their warehouse team. I wanted to do the handing out bit to, like, young children who’ve lost everything, but they only do that bit on the weekends and that’s, like, my time, you know? I need to do Zumba on Saturday or I’ll go crazy lol!”

Even when she has managed to overcome the logistical challenges, crippling bureaucracy has intervened.

“At Samaritans, they said I couldn’t man the phones unless I was trained. But, like, how hard could it be? One time, my friend Amy was, like, really sad after she broke up with Darren, and I persuaded her out of getting a bob. So I know what I’m talking about.”

When asked whether she’d considered just setting up a direct debit to a charity, Laura paused.

“I’d have to do a bit of research.”

Our saint’s quest for altruism continues.

Harriet Cartledge

Harriet is a #twitterprofessional who tweets once every six months, so you know it'll be good. Once she did stand up, and now she won't stop talking about it.