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Study shows depth of adult male’s V-neck directly proportional to their misunderstanding of feminism

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Scientists from the University of Sussex have announced the results of a new study that identifies a causal link between the informal male plunge and an intellectual grey area surrounding women’s rights.

Dr Oliver Smith, 48, accidentally stumbled upon the findings after leaving out a V-neck in his laboratory overnight. When he returned in the morning, he discovered that the now-mouldy T-shirt was registering a 5.1 on the ‘Milo Meter’ (not to be confused with the milometer).

Many celebrities have reacted to the study, with Johnny Depp reportedly stocking his wardrobe with hundreds and hundreds of V-necks.

We asked some patrons of London’s premiere night club about this surprising V-Neck U-turn:

“I thought V-necks were progressive ‘cos V stands for vagina” Andy Gough, 22.

“Yeah but it also stands for Vanilla Ice” Alex Walmsley, 21.

“Oh yeah” Andy Gough, 22.

“I can’t be a misogynist because I love having sex with some women.” Vanilla Ice, 49

Benjamin Alborough

Benjamin Alborough is a comic playwright, performer and milk drinking strong boy. His upcoming Edinburgh Fringe show, an anarchic Edwardian Farce called Cream Tea and Incest, is playing at theSpace @ Surgeon's Hall from the 7th to the 13th of August. He Tweets a lot.