Interiors

DIY! How to replace your Twitter account with an at-home echo chamber

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We are living in a digital world and, to quote Madonna, I am a digital girl. But sometimes it’s nice to get back to basics – put down the Kindle and pick up a book; put down your news apps and pick up a broadsheet; put down Twitter and build your own at-home echo chamber.

Step 1: Loudly leave Twitter

Twitter is a very echo-y place, so there’s really no way to slink out quietly by, say, just closing your account. Your 291 followers will all panic that something has happened to you, like maybe you’ve gone off the deep end and joined Google Plus. Make sure that you leave Twitter as loudly and dramatically as possible, blaming the pressure of public life.

Step 2: Burn all of your furniture

The only way to get those fantastic acoustics is to completely empty the room, which means all of your worldly belongings need to go. Make sure that you destroy them completely, so you’re not tempted to just bring them back in when you get bored. This isn’t a tutorial on how to rearrange your furniture.

Step 3: Invite over likeminded people

Your Brexit-voting Auntie Muriel can do one. Your pal who thinks the finale of The Good Wife “was true to the show”? Dead to you. That boyfriend who brought home the wrong flavour of Pringles? Kicked to the curb, with the rest of your belongings. Your echo chamber should be filled with people who reflect your exact world view. The slightest deviation will mean that you destroyed all of your possessions for absolutely no reason, so remember that next time Kelly, who thinks pink “washes you out” wants to pop over for a cuppa, and stay strong.

Sara Gibbs

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for Dead Ringers, The News Quiz and The Daily Mash. Sara crushes Wotsits into a fine powder before eating the remnants with her face (or with a teaspoon, in polite company).