Love & sex

Woman who hates sex just hasn’t done it with Sam, says Sam

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A Cardiff woman who hates sex just hasn’t been doing it with hot mega studs like Sam, according to Sam.

“My friend Cerys is always banging on about how sex is pretty much a chore,” explained Sam Williams, 29. “Her problem could not be more obvious to me; she’s been dating all the wrong guys. And by the wrong guys, I mean guys who aren’t me, Sam.”

“Cerys could be having the most mind-blowing, passionate, multiple-orgasm-inducing sex of her life if she was with me. Obviously the last 23 guys she’s been with had no idea what they were doing.”

Cerys Jones, 25, said: “Sex with Sam sounds bloody amazing. TEN orgasms in one night? I didn’t even know my body could do that. Maybe sex is actually the best thing ever, but I have been doing it all wrong, and only Sam can satisfy me.”

“If only I didn’t find him totally repulsive.”

Sara Gibbs

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz and The Daily Mash. Sara crushes Wotsits into a fine powder before eating the remnants with her face (or with a teaspoon, in polite company).