Beauty

Science exclusive! Body hair grows back

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No matter how many times you shave, wax, epilate, tweeze, laser or visualise your body hair away, it will just grow back. That’s according to a recent study of every woman who’s ever picked up a razor.

A team of leading scientists analysed the hair removal habits of millions of women across the globe, and were shocked to discover that all women repeat their respective processes on a regular, sometimes daily, basis.

Womanologist, Dr. Andrew Stanwell, said: “Until now, it was believed that women were either inherently hairless or could permanently rid themselves of unwanted body hair by simply shaving it off once and having done with it.”

“However, recent discoveries have led us to believe that not only do women grow body hair, but they do it all the bloody time. They just keep getting rid and it keeps popping back up. Who knew?”

Researcher, Dr Emily Hayes said: “Of course body hair grows back – it’s hair. But the boys in the lab were so excited about it, we just let them run with it. It gives them something to do until their EU funding runs out and they all have to get jobs as border control agents or fruit pickers.”

She added: “This is why we need more women to study STEM subjects.”

Sara Gibbs

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz and The Daily Mash. Sara crushes Wotsits into a fine powder before eating the remnants with her face (or with a teaspoon, in polite company).