Health & Fitness

Speedy! Gaby’s advent calendar chocolates all already long-since-flushed poops

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A Sheffield woman whose chocolate advent calendar was definitely going to last until Christmas this time has already turned every last bit of it into poo.

“Yeah, it’s gone,” confessed Gaby Caine, 26. “I ate it.”

Gaby’s housemate, Clara Davidson, 25, who inexplicably has self control, has managed to stick religiously to one chocolate per morning, creating a rift between the once inseparable pair.

“It’s not hard,” explained Clara. “I just eat one chocolate a day, like Jesus wanted.”

“A week in, Gaby has already put all of her advent chocolate into her face,” she continued, “and now she hangs around me when I eat mine, hoping for a corner of pity chocolate or something.”

“Well, I’m sorry but if I do that she’ll never learn. And also, the good lord might smite me.”

Just as the relationship was becoming strained beyond repair, a startling realisation saved the day.

“I can just buy another advent calendar!” Gaby said, in a lightbulb moment. “I’m a bloody genius.”

According to reports, the second advent calendar will probably be demolished by December 9th, unless Gaby supplements it with non-calendar-related snacks.

Sara Gibbs

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz and The Daily Mash. Sara crushes Wotsits into a fine powder before eating the remnants with her face (or with a teaspoon, in polite company).