Love & sex

Woman who loved Netflix Christmas movies looking forward to own fuckboy revealing hidden sensitive side

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A Sussex woman who watched A Christmas Prince and Christmas Inheritance on loop for the entire holiday season is still waiting for the insensitive prick she’s dating to reveal that he’s actually wonderful.

“I love romantic comedies,” said Claire Shepherd, 26. “I especially love it when the guy seems like a massive douche at first, but then it turns out he’s actually a really nice guy in a lot of pain who’s waiting for the right woman to fix him.”

“I’ve been dating Stu for about six months now,” she continued. “He has all the hallmarks of a rom com leading man. He’s sort of good looking, when I don’t have my glasses on, and he’s truly hideous to me.”

“He’s rude, he’s inconsiderate and he had sex with my friend Emma a couple of times, but that was only, like, three months in, so I think that’s OK, right?”

“Basically any minute now, I’m going to find out he secretly writes poetry, speaks fluent sign language from volunteering with deaf kids and is much nicer to his mum than he is in front of me. I’ll find a whole collection of poetry dedicated to me and he’ll sweep me up in his arms and…”

Amy’s fantasy was interrupted by Stu, demanding to know where his dinner was.

Sara Gibbs

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz and The Daily Mash. Sara crushes Wotsits into a fine powder before eating the remnants with her face (or with a teaspoon, in polite company).