“Getting engaged is overrated,” says woman who has been planning her wedding since she was 14

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A single woman has bit back following a recent surge in engagements among her friends, despite the fact she has been planning her wedding since she was a teenager.

Lottie Derry, 27, scoffed at her Facebook feed as an incredible eight couples in her primary friendship group got engaged within the same month: “It’s not that exciting really, is it? I’m happy for them and stuff, but I think it’s overrated.”

A scrapbook, which included her favourite dress designs and venue ideas, was highlighted by her sister, Polly Thomas, 31, who quipped: “Well that’s bullshit, sis.”

Lottie argued against this accusation of hypocrisy, stating she “was only 14” when the book was made. Polly, however, pointed out that it had been updated as recently as three weeks ago.

“She’s added to both the ‘carnations’ and ‘cake’ sections with magazine cutouts from this month and printouts from her Pinterest,” explained Polly.

“Lottie was actually a bridesmaid at my wedding. She loved it. She couldn’t stop talking about it. If we’d let her, she would have organised the whole thing.”

Lottie maintains she was merely helping her sister with her special day, putting her daytime work skills as a children’s party planner to good use – something she intends to do for her friends too.

“My strengths lie in organisation and event planning, so why not use that to help out my friends and family? Sure, I don’t get paid for it, but it doesn’t mean I suddenly love weddings or desperately want to get married or anything like that.”

It might not explain, however, why Lottie recently started a Saturday job at a nearby florist, specialising in wedding bouquets.

“I just needed a bit of extra money. You can’t be picky about jobs nowadays; I just took what I could get.”

Research on Lottie’s browser history revealed over 60 different job applications related to the wedding industry.

“Just fuck off, will you?”

Olivia Phipps

Olivia works as a freelance something-or-other in TV comedy, and has made tea on some of the very best (and utter worst) shows on telly. She also does bits and pieces for the British Comedy Guide and the Comedian’s Comedian Podcast. She hopes that her writing will have more clarity than this bio.