Fashion

Success! Woman who made it through winter without buying a “proper coat” only complained about being cold 732 times

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A Birmingham woman has set a new record today after successfully making it into spring without ever buying outer wear heavier than a light jacket.

Jackie “jackets” Philips, 34, has earned herself a reputation in the town, as she has not only managed this spectacular feat, but she also did it whilst only complaining about the cold a minimal number times.

“She barely ever moans,” said Jackie’s close friend, Becky Marsh. “Only really if there’s a draught, or a window’s open, or we go outside, or we’re inside, or there’s photographs of cold things on the TV, or we eat a cold meal, or drink a cold drink, or drink a hot drink.”

“I’ve just been layering up,” Jackie told of the situation. “Vests, shirts, jumpers, second shirts, scarves, cardigans, jackets. I just don’t see the point in investing in a proper coat when I’ve got so many items of clothing already.”

“It takes her forty minutes to leave anywhere from October until April,” Jackie’s husband, Bobby Philips (36) shared. “We missed our stop on the train to her mothers 70th. Once, she got stuck in the revolving door at HSBC because she couldn’t bend her arms through all the sleeves. She just kept going… round and round. Round and round.”

“I don’t like to brag,” explained Jackie, “but when I think of all the money I’ve saved by not buying one of those big Canadian-made coats, I feel like, maybe, I’m God?”

Jodie Irvine

Jodie is a writer and improviser who also works in telly. She has the stature of a child and loves having it pointed out to her by people she doesn't know very well. Jodie was voted "funniest girl in the year" in 2010 and has been riding that high ever since.