Five shades of lipstick that’ll distract people from the fact you brushed your teeth with your finger this morning

Most mornings you have a strict oral health routine: sonic toothbrush, dental floss and an Ayurvedic-inspired, Gwyneth Paltrow-approved tongue scraper.

But even the most diligent brushers will occasionally find themselves in a stranger’s bathroom at 8am on a weekday, scrubbing stale vodka taste out of their mouth with toothpaste squeezed onto an index finger. And, frankly, even you’re not quite sure where that index finger has been.

Don’t worry, these five shades of lippy will have you looking so glam colleagues’ll barely notice you’re wearing the same Zara blouse as yesterday, just inside out.

1. Creme de Kahlua

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Creamy nude with a dewy finish. A playful callback to last night’s ill-judged round of White Russians. The smudge-proof formula means it’s guaranteed to stay on longer than last night’s drinks stayed down.

2. Scarlet Regret

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This dramatic shade is sexy, sultry and smeared across half your face. For best results begin with a layer of primer, use a lip brush for precise application and finish by aggressively making out with whatever blurry silhouette stumbles towards you first. It’s the the perfect “last orders” look to carry you through to next morning.

3. Bruised Peach

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A rich chocolate brown with hints of blue and a splash of jaundice yellow. A natural accompaniment to the large bruise currently developing on your left bum cheek, the cause of which you’re straining to recollect.

4. Red Wine Lip Stain

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A deep sophisticated red. Rich and complex like a fine Merlot, which is nothing like the plonk you were actually guzzling. When applying, focus predominantly on the lower lip and tongue to achieve that authentic ‘red wine mouth’ effect.

5. Black Out

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How about taking things vampy with a shade of inky black? For lips as dark and mysterious as the abyss into which most of last nights memories have disappeared.