Health & Fitness

Woman spends thousands on holiday to “get away from problems” only to discover that she is the problem

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A Dover woman is experiencing buyer’s remorse after a luxury Spanish resort holiday costing £2,574 failed to provide the desired temporary reprieve from her extensive list of problems.

“I’m a hopeless over thinker,” said Dione Southall, 35. “I worry about every little thing. I thought a holiday would help me get away from that, but it just created a plethora of new worries. Have I packed enough sunscreen? Is that waiter laughing at me for mispronouncing ‘paella’? Am I having enough fun?”

“I get really panicky in crowds, so I couldn’t do any tourist-y stuff,” she added.

“I also have chronic back pain, which pretty much prevents me from lying still for long periods of time or doing any type of exercise,” she continued. “I’m also allergic to new environments, animals and even some people, so that rules me out of most activities.”

Dione had planned to mitigate any personal restrictions by lying on the beach and reading a book, but her plans were quickly thwarted.

“I’m not very good in the sun,” she explained, “I burn easily, I’m prone to sunstroke and I’m very photosensitive. It turns out that both the idyllic clear water and white sand are reflective and make it even worse.”

“It’s too cold in the shade.”

“Also, I don’t like reading.”

“For a minute, I wondered if maybe I might be the problem, but the thought that I would never be able to escape myself was too much and gave me existential panic hives, so I quickly put a lid on that. It must have been the location. Next time, I’ll try Greece.”

Sara Gibbs

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz, The Daily Mash and The Mash Report. Sara makes it her business to be at least five years behind the latest trends, so she can devote more time to her Tamagotchi.