Manic pixie dream girl just hangry

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Shockwaves were felt across the movie industry today as the famous character trope embodied by Zooey Deschanel revealed that they weren’t actually the quirky love of every awkward male protagonist’s life, but were just a bit mad from having skipped lunch.

“I really thought she was purely designed to help me discover my dreams and achieve my goals” Said Jack, a disappointed Michael Cera type, before laughing awkwardly and gazing into the distance accompanied by The Moldy Peaches.

“I was just about to show up at his poetry reading unannounced and ask him if he wants a ride home on my scooter with me, when I realised I was acting crazy,” said Molly, 23. “After I had some nice pasta for dinner, I returned my ukulele back to the store.”

This is just the first in a series of Manic Pixie Dream Girls coming to realise that their eccentricity and shallow depth beyond existing for their male protagonist is just the result of temporary malnourishment.

“I have my own goals and want my own things” said Mary-Jane, 22. “After buying my third bottle of hair dye from Boots, I had a meal deal and realised that I was capable of having dreams independent of my protagonist.”

“Hell, I can even be my own protagonist!” Mary-Jane excitedly explained to us over a lovely Dominos pizza, changing her Belle and Sebastian record to Get Busy by Sean Paul, a song she actually likes.

“I make some crazy decisions when I haven’t eaten for a while,” Molly went on to explain, when asked about her whimsical independent business, combining dog grooming with online dating. “I was only doing it for funny cutaways and because it just so happened to perfectly compliment Jack’s quest to find meaning in himself.”

“I’m just so confused about who I am now” Jack mumbled into his guitar. “I’m happy for her, but what about my needs?” He asked, or maybe something like that, the camera had already faded out.

Kat Sadler

Kat is a comedian, writer and mentally unwell bisexual. She's written for a whole bunch of shows like Frankie Boyle's New World Order, The Mash Report, The Jonathan Ross Show, The News Quiz, The Daily Mash and her own stuff too, thanks for asking. Check out her sad little blog here