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Study reveals going to bed at a reasonable hour makes Jennifer less of a crazy bitch

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Amount of sleep might have a correlation with Jennifer’s absolutely batshit behaviour, a new study has suggested.

Science has revealed that when Jennifer goes to bed closer to the time she has to get up in the morning, she is over 15% more likely to get up to some serious nonsense throughout the day.

“I don’t believe it. I can function just fine on no sleep, like Margaret Thatcher,” said Jennifer, who then yawned and texted three of her ex-boyfriends to tell them she never loved them, before lobbing her phone out of the window.

Science suggests that all Thatcher might have needed was a glass of warm milk and a trip to beddy-bye town and we could all be sitting on a very different side of the miner’s strike right now.

The study followed Jennifer going about her normal daily routine on a nice, solid seven-hour sleep, and then attempting to do the same routine after a dodgy two hours.

“She came in, tried to do a bit of admin on an old calculator, and spent most of the time laughing at the water cooler. I assumed it was performance art, given the Margaret Thatcher costume” described a baffled Shannon, manager of Waterstones in Wakefield.

“The thing is, she doesn’t work at Waterstones.”

Kat Sadler

Kat Sadler is a comedian, writer and ball of anxiety. She's written for a whole bunch of stuff like Frankie Boyle's New World Order, The Mash Report, The News Quiz and The Now Show and The Daily Mash. She's currently the contract writer for BBC Studios comedy. She's here for a long time, not a good time. Check out her sad little blog here