Dina to be rehabilitated into society after three-day Orange is the New Black marathon

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An Edinburgh woman is to take her first fragile steps back into mainstream society after having spent three days on her sofa, binge watching the latest season of hit Netflix prison drama, Orange is the New Black.

Dina Newhall, 32, discovered that a new season had been released and somehow she had missed it because she’d been “wasting her time at work.”

She immediately sent her kids to her mum’s, told her husband she “needed a break” and constructed a nest of cushions and duvets, before closing the curtains and turning her back on the outside world in favour of spending quality time with her favourite Litchfield inmates.

Dina emerged a changed woman.

“My time at Litchfield has totally transformed me. I used to be a happy, easy-going person. Now I know that you trust no bitch. Also, I’ve started to call everyone ‘bitch’.”

“I don’t know if I now have the skills to survive out there,” she said, while organising cigarettes and tampons into piles, ready for trade.

Sara Gibbs

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz, The Daily Mash and The Mash Report. Sara makes it her business to be at least five years behind the latest trends, so she can devote more time to her Tamagotchi.