Fashion

Four investment handbags to transport all your disgusting crumbs

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As women, we all want to know the answer to this question when considering purchasing a new handbag:

Just how good is it at transporting all my detritus around town?

Well, we’ve hand picked some gorgeous new bags based on their ability to retain all kinds of nonsense in the bottom of your bag. From bits of rock hard, snotty tissue to yucky brown banana sludge, here’s our top picks for this season.

Visook / Adobe Stock

This nice black one

This dark number is an excellent black void for all your useless junk to roam free. That old Twix you got as an impulse dessert with your Boots meal deal and then forgot about? He deserves a home here. Set him free.

Visoook / Adobe Stock

This big pink one

This one’s so nice and feminine, it’ll go perfectly with all those tampons that have fallen out of their wrappers but you haven’t had a chance to throw away yet.

Superlime / Adobe Stock

This classy red one

This one is a strong statement bag, much like those blood-stained tissues at the bottom of your bag from that nosebleed you had months ago. Colour coordination, yay!

Voyagerix / Adobe Stock

This brown one

Let’s face it. Your handbag is literally just a rubbish bin, and you don’t know what day the bin men come. And we all know you can’t recycle any of that shit.

Kat Sadler

Kat Sadler is a comedian, writer and ball of anxiety. She's written for a whole bunch of stuff like Frankie Boyle's New World Order, The Mash Report, The News Quiz and The Now Show and The Daily Mash. She's currently the contract writer for BBC Studios comedy. She's here for a long time, not a good time. Check out her sad little blog here