Love & sex

I love being in a casual relationship so much I text him every five minutes just to check we’re still in one

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I absolutely cannot get enough of the casual relationship I’m in with my boyf-guy I’m see-friending, Matt. He’s really nice and funny, and smells okay.

I’m also a modern woman, and totally open to new things, so when he suggested keeping our relationship casual, I couldn’t wait to try it out. Well I could wait, I could wait for ages. That’s how cool and casual I am.

As a laid-back person (voted most laid-back person in the office) (I’m a self-employed freelancer) (my office is my house) it sounded like the ideal lifestyle for me – and I was right!

I’m so very good at being in a casual relationship that I need to constantly make sure that that is definitely what’s happening, because being in a casual relationship is the best! Just as long as he’s being in a casual relationship with just me, and nobody else.

I need round-the-clock intel on how casual he’s feeling at all times. It’s just nice to know you and your partner are in entirely the same (casual) boat! And that’s definitely still what’s happening. We’re doing the casual thing. Just me and him. I’m so good at being chill about not being in a serious relationship, it really frees up my time to message him constantly just to remind him how great being in a casual relationship is.

No, don’t be ridiculous, I know he’s not just saying it to keep his options open and avoid emotionally committing to me because he thinks the time and effort it might take to do that might not be worth it in the end. That’s crazy talk. He’s casually in a relationship with me.

I’m never looking back. Real relationships are way too constricting, now I’ve got much more time to worry about everything else. Of course I’m not going to ask him to be in a serious relationship with me, I’m not some sort of mad, clingy child-woman!

Sorry, do you mind? I can see Matt’s been active on Messenger and I haven’t patrolled all his social media channels in the last hour (which I’ve muted, but that only makes me check them more!) so I just need to have a quick look at which girls have liked his Tweets.

Kat Sadler

Kat Sadler is a comedian, writer and ball of anxiety. She's written for a whole bunch of stuff like Frankie Boyle's New World Order, The Mash Report, The News Quiz and The Now Show and The Daily Mash. She's currently the contract writer for BBC Studios comedy. She's here for a long time, not a good time. Check out her sad little blog here