Ailsa still waiting for assurances about her weight even though she’s confident and loves her body

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A Perth woman is really happy with her body, despite constantly mentioning it to her friends.

“I’m really happy with my weight just now,” said Ailsa Burton, 32, at her friend, Lisa’s, engagement drinks. “Yes, when I was 21 I was a lithe little imp and didn’t appreciate it, but now I’m a happier person, even though I’m fat. Hah, ok, not fat, but bigger. Do you think? Is it noticeable? It’s not important.”

Surrounded by inexplicably thin friends, Ailsa says she is enjoying the evening, and hasn’t checked the width of her arms compared to her friends even once.

“I’ve learned to love my body and appreciate it as it is,” continued Ailsa, now on her third glass of Prosecco. “In no way will tonight end with me scrolling through old Facebook photos of when I was 19 and miserable, but the antidepressants I was on made me look AMAZING!”

Asked for comment, Ailsa’s friends said “She looks the same. Like, maybe a bit bigger but who gives a fuck?”

Eleanor Morton

Eleanor Morton is a Scottish stand-up comedian, actor and writer, who has appeared on BBC Radio 4 and BBC Radio Scotland, as well as supporting Frankie Boyle and Stewart Francis on tour.