Chloe wastes several days reading book that isn’t Harry Potter

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A Berkshire woman has broken her silence about how she will never get back the days she spent reading a book that had nothing to do with wizards defeating evil.

“It was horrible,” said Chloe Lewis, 20. “After reading the Harry Potter series, I thought all books were going to be about magical worlds where technology is replaced by pointy sticks, but the book I read was nothing like that.”

“It was just some nonsense about some woman who went travelling to Italy and India and shit to eat a bunch of pizza and meditate to ‘find herself’,” fumed Chloe. “I did that last year on my gap year, so why would I need to read a book about something I can just do myself?”

“You know what I can’t do?” she continued, “I can’t fucking fly on a broomstick or befriend an adorable house elf called Dobby. Books are supposed to be about escapism.”

“For some reason I kept reading and reading, expecting someone to shout ‘avada kadavra’ at the whiney protagonist, but it never happened. It was almost like the author had never even read Harry Potter.”

“I’ll never get that time back, and I can’t even erase the memories,” concluded Chloe, “no matter how many times I point my replica of Hermione’s wand at my head and say ‘obliviate’.”

Sara Gibbs

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz, The Daily Mash and The Mash Report. Sara makes it her business to be at least five years behind the latest trends, so she can devote more time to her Tamagotchi.