Three mascaras flakier than your friend Rachel

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Rachel’s the kind of friend that’s so flaky that you can’t really remember the last time you saw her. Thankfully, here are some crappy mascaras to give you some perspective about her not showing up to your birthday drinks, despite the fact you made her a personalised invitation and texted her “you still coming?” every single day leading up to the event.

Very expensive one

You spent upwards of £30 on this mascara and it’s flaked off into your eyes every time you’ve worn it. It stings, but thankfully that softens the blow of the fact Rachel has left you waiting for 40 minutes for dinner, when you skipped lunch so you’d be extra hungry.

High street one

Less expensive, but also it was already open when you got it, and chances are whoever tried it before you probably had an eye infection. An eye infection is comparatively worse than Rachel not remembering to tell you that your coffee actually overlapped with her very important staying at home time.

Tiny one that came in a set

You weren’t really buying this mascara, you wanted the set for the limited edition concealer, but you’ve ended up with this tiny mascara that flakes onto your cheeks and looks like you’ve got hundreds of baby spiders that have burst out of your eyes and are now running down your face. Maybe it’s time to forgive Rachel saying she’d be maid of honour at your wedding. She probably had a lot of stuff to do.

Kat Sadler

Kat is a comedian, writer and mentally unwell bisexual. She's written for a whole bunch of shows like Frankie Boyle's New World Order, The Mash Report, The Jonathan Ross Show, The News Quiz, The Daily Mash and her own stuff too, thanks for asking. Check out her sad little blog here