Amy’s “dream holiday” guaranteed to be a disappointment

A Kent woman’s “holiday of a lifetime” has been daydreamed about for so long that it can now only end in bitter disappointment.

“I’ve been planning my trip to Menorca for the past eight months,” revealed Amy Green, 26. “Ever since I booked it, I’ve thought non-stop about what I’ll wear each day, the food I’ll eat… every second of my itinerary is planned out. What could possibly go wrong?”

“It’s going to be the best thing in the world,” continued Amy. “Perfect, empty white sand beaches, gorgeous blue skies, sexy men wandering around showing off their six packs – oh, and I think it’ll really bond me and my group of friends. We’ve never been away together before.”

“This time it’s going to be a real paradise; nothing like that last holiday, which was full of packed beaches littered with rubbish and screaming kids, relentless rain, elderly German tourists in the nuddy and such passive aggressive company that I still can’t stand the sight of my ex-best-friend Lily.”

“No,” she enthused, “this one will be different for some reason. I can’t wait!”