Sequinned dresses that’ll shed on the way to the party like a shiny breadcrumb trail, helping you remember where you parked

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Christmas is over for another year, but don’t worry, there’s still some enforced festive merriment to be squeezed out of the holiday season!

New Year’s Eve is almost upon us, which means it’s time to spend £££ you don’t have on a sequinned party dress that’ll fall apart in the washing machine after one wear, sporting tiny, sad bald patches that inexplicably remind you of your own mortality.

Still, the upside is you’ll easily be able to retrace your steps, so you don’t have to bother remembering where you parked this year – as long as all the other sequin-clad women at the party wear a different colour to you. Here are our top picks for sequinned dresses with a short shelf life:

A gold one

Nothing says luxe like shiny, gold things. People will stare at you all night, thinking you’re a celebrity and wondering what they’ve seen you in, when actually you just sort of remind them of Donald Trump’s lift.

A black one

Ah the classic little black dress – an investment piece. You can just hack off all the sequins at the end of the night and hope that next year’s hot trend is ‘dresses with loads of ill-placed holes and bits of hanging thread’.

A blue one

Blue is the colour of sadness, which is what you’ll feel when you find bits of your glam new dress floating in your date’s beer.

A red one

Stop traffic in this eye-catching red number. Mainly because you’ll be mistaken for a stop signal, but still – it’s nice to be noticed.

A green one

It’s festive, it’s bold, and cats eyes on the road are green, so it’ll leave the most conspicuous path back to your decade-old Chevy Matiz, which you parked God knows where.

Sara Gibbs

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz, The Daily Mash and The Mash Report. Sara makes it her business to be at least five years behind the latest trends, so she can devote more time to her Tamagotchi.