Love & sex
Hollywood exclusive! “So you’re flexible?” not man’s response to date who does yoga
TINSELTOWN: DISAPPOINTINGLY NOT A LAND WHERE IT’S CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY. OUR HOLLYWOOD CORRESPONDENT, SARA SCULLY, IS HERE TO GIVE US THE LOWDOWN ON LIFE IN LA.
A North Hollywood man is appropriately being labeled a hero for resisting the urge to respond to his date with “so you’re flexible?” when she informed him she does yoga.
David Armstrong, 29, has single-handedly brought chivalry back to the dating game. He met Amanda Sharp, 26, on Coffee Meets Bagel, a refreshing answer to the hookup-based Tinder. “I saw the app on Shark Tank. I’ve been searching for my soul mate, plus I was bored. So I signed up.”
After a few text exchanges, David bravely asked Amanda if he could take her to celebrity hotspot, Catch, for sushi. Conversation felt natural and effortless for David, as he smoothly sailed into his next thought-provoking question, “So… what do you like to do?”
“I have a political podcast, I do hot yoga, I read to blind children…” Amanda kept talking, but all David heard was “hot” and “yoga”.
“My palms started sweating, my breathing became heavy, and my vision was dizzying,” admitted David. “I was unable to focus on anything else she was saying.”
“Honestly, I was aroused when she talked about doing yoga. I imagined us going back to my place and fucking in all sorts of crazy positions for hours. I heard Sting and his wife do yoga and bang for, like, three days straight. She even added ‘hot’ in there. Cause she knows it’s hot.”
Still, David resisted the urge to follow her bold statement with, “So you’re flexible?”
“Maybe my bar is set too low for men,” Amanda lamented, “but when David didn’t make a cliché sexual innuendo, I immediately pictured us married with kids.”
For their second date, David agreed to try hot yoga with Amanda. He spent the entire 90 minutes in the back corner hiding his boner.
“Why do girls wear yoga pants to yoga?! It’s so distracting!” he reasoned.
Amanda and David have been happily “Facebook official” for three months now.