Flatmates hoping Rachel’s new “thing” is moving the fuck out

Fingers are crossed today for a Lewisham woman’s flatmates, who are hoping that her new hobby this week might be finding somewhere else to live.

Flatmate Megan Kingsley, 23, said: “I liked Rachel when we all decided to live together at university. When we first met, Rachel’s ‘thing’ was knitting. It was great, she was really good at it. We all benefited from her cosy creations.”

“But then Rachel took up increasingly noisy hobbies such as maraca shaking, sleighbell ringing and rehearsing for the part of the horse in War Horse.”

“I want to be a supportive friend, but her sense of rhythm is so terrible she’s definitely not going to get the part. I don’t think War Horse even do open auditions. I don’t think she’s done her research,” Megan continued.

“Why couldn’t that be her hobby? That one would be nice and quiet.”

“We’ve had a meeting and we’re all in agreement that moving out is her new thing. We believe she’d be really good at it, and wish her the best of luck in all her other endeavours.”