Single woman successfully dilutes trolley full of reduced-to-clear Valentine’s chocolates with enough other stuff to appear fine

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A Berkshire woman was thrilled today after managing to slip in and out of her local Tesco Metro undetected by the prying eyes of judgemental strangers.

Eleanor Beck, 27, had only popped into the shop to grab a bar of chocolate, when she realised that the confectionery aisle had transformed into a yellow-stickered frenzy.

“I’ve always been one for a bargain,” Eleanor said of the events, “I figured if I was going to spend the weekend alone in my pants with some Dairy Milk anyway, I might as well get some good value for money.”

Afraid her excessive purchases would make her appear unusual, or even deranged, Eleanor opted to pad out her trolley with other miscellaneous items.

“I just grabbed a few bits and pieces that would make it look like I was planning on entertaining guests,” Eleanor explained, after also purchasing some paper plates, cheese straws, cupcake cases, 1L of Vodka and a bottle of £3 Pinot Grigio.

Eleanor’s luck didn’t stop there, however, as once she’d selected a vast array of heavily discounted chocolates, she also managed to snap up a spot in the self-checkout area.

“No one even batted an eyelid,” Eleanor spoke of her triumphant exit, slipping out right under the noses of onlooking strangers, who would never know she was planning to consume all of the chocolate while desperately alone.

Jodie Irvine

Jodie is a writer, actor and improviser. She has the stature of a child and loves having it pointed out to her by people she doesn't know very well. Jodie was voted "funniest girl in the year" in 2010 and has been riding that high ever since.