Health & Fitness

Katie, who had an orgasm during childbirth, is super tons of fun

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Spending time with a woman who claims to have experienced an orgasm during childbirth is hugely fun and inspiring, say friends.

“I spent three days in agony, only to find that I was still just 2.5cm dilated and my baby had crapped inside me,” said Suzanne Clarke, 32, who met Katie Carpenter, 28, at an antenatal class. “I ended up having an emergency C-section and getting septicaemia, so you can imagine how uplifting it was for me to hear the story of Katie’s blissful, four-hour labour.”

“Some people might not even believe that you can orgasm during childbirth, but Katie has shown us all what is possible,” agreed Bathsheba Lewis, 31, who was seated on a haemorrhoid cushion because she had second-degree tears.

And it’s not just friends who have recently given birth who are thrilled for Katie. “You might expect to find it icky, hearing how someone got off on having an entire human being lodged in her cervix,” said work colleague Gemma Banning, 25. “But the way Katie tells it, it’s just so inspiring.”

The new mum was on a silent yoga retreat with her baby at the time of writing, but had generously shared her story on Instagram.

“I’m delighted to announce that our daughter Kalette was born at home this afternoon,” reads the caption on what appears to be a glossy black placenta sitting atop a plate of pasta. “The whole experience was incredible and transformative. Our doula lit candles and played music, and my husband stimulated my nipples to get the oxytocin going. Thanks to hypnobirthing, I felt no pain and as the baby’s head crowned I was so ecstatic that I actually climaxed.”

“Even having heard the story four times, it’s literally never occurred to me to tell her to go and fuck herself,” said friend Janice Miller, 35. “I’m just so pleased that she got her wish, and I got an episiotomy.”

Emma Bartley

A child of the 1980s, Emma became a journalist because they got the highest salaries in The Game of Life. Thinly veiled, score-settling parodies such as the above are her way of channelling her disappointment.