Ask Deliciously Stella: Is my vagina haunted?

Dear Stella,

I hope you can help. On the advice of Gwyneth Paltrow, I recently purchased a second-hand jade egg for my vagina for the bargain price of £1100.

Having revisited the seller’s eBay site, I was horrified to see that it was listed alongside other artefacts including haunted dolls and a toaster that embodied the spirit of Dodi Al Fayed. Could it be that my vagina is now haunted?

Anonymous, Grimsby

Dear anonymous,

Please don’t think that this is the first or will be the last haunted vagina I have encountered. My first piece of advice is that if Gwyneth said it was a good idea, she is probably right. The Goop goddess’s mind works in mysterious ways but in her own words, she has “the ass of a 22 year old stripper” so she is nearly always right. Have you considered other techniques recommended by Gwyn? Perhaps you need to steam the spirit out. You can do this by hovering over a kettle. Alternatively, you could opt to be stung by a swarm of angry bees.

Remember that the first rule of wellness is that money is no object. So whatever you do, as long as its expensive, I am sure that it will work.

Mwah!

Stella