Exclusive: Woman who doesn’t wear makeup reveals it has little to no impact on her life

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A London PR account manager who hasn’t worn makeup for over 10 years has claimed that it has “hardly any impact” on her career, relationships and everyday life.

When asked to explain her feminist statement, Cat Sparrow, 28, said: “Oh, well it’s not really a statement, I just don’t wear it.”

“What’s my secret? I don’t know. I just sort of, carry on, like normal,” explained Cat. “There’s no big message for other women. Wearing makeup has just never been my style.”

“Well I once put some lip gloss on to go to the pub, but it washed off after a few sips of my drink, so I didn’t bother again.”.

Despite her liberating gesture, Cat insists she does not feel ill will towards her makeup-wearing peers. “Most of my friends wear makeup; it’s not a big thing. I think anyone who wears makeup does so for different reasons, so that’s up to them.”

Disappointingly, Cat refused to disclose any abuse she had suffered as a result of her brave choice, saying: “I haven’t experienced any more than any other woman going about her business.”

“No, they hardly ever comment on it at work, either. I guess if it’s what people are used to seeing, they don’t think about it. It would be weirder for them if I did turn up wearing it.”

Our reporter then showed Cat some YouTube makeup tutorials, just in case she didn’t know how to apply it properly, but she stayed firm in her stance.

“I mean, it’s great that there are women out there sharing knowledge like that, but again, it’s not my bag.”

A quick look into Cat’s medical history showed no viable health reasons or skin allergies that would prevent her from wearing makeup. She concluded: “Look, does there really need to be a reason?”

Our bet is a traumatic childhood experience.

Olivia Phipps

Olivia works as a freelance something-or-other in TV comedy, and has made tea on some of the very best (and utter worst) shows on telly. She also does bits and pieces for the British Comedy Guide and the Comedian’s Comedian Podcast. She hopes that her writing will have more clarity than this bio.