Amy’s plan to “make a fortune lifestyle blogging” thwarted by it not being 10 years ago

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An Oxford woman’s plan to make her millions as a lifestyle blogger has hit a bump in the road due to it not being 2008.

“I’ve been in my job in sales for a while now,” explained Amy Woods, 32, “and I think I’m just stagnating there, you know? I really want to be my own boss, mostly so my promotions won’t be performance based anymore.”

“I remembered a friend from school, Lauren, started a lifestyle blog a few years back, and now she’s earning six figures,” continued Amy. “This is the same friend who put her hand up in a history lesson to ask why Israel didn’t just get out of Pakistan’s land, so I figured if she could do it, it must be really easy.”

Amy quit her job, got a nice WordPress template, put some Google ads on it and did a post about statement wallpaper. She then waited for the likes to roll in, but it never happened.

“My mum commented to ask if I was going to apply for a new job, but unfortunately, that doesn’t translate to cold, hard cash,” lamented Amy.

Lauren Simons, Amy’s friend from school, explained: “First of all, it takes years to build up a proper following, but also the market is completely oversaturated now and it’s pretty much impossible to become a professional blogger. I wish Amy had just asked me a few questions before she decided to quit her job. I hope she has some savings and a good reference.”

Amy was last seen hunched over her laptop, refreshing her WordPress stats and muttering “any minute now.”

Sara Gibbs

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz, The Daily Mash and The Mash Report. Sara makes it her business to be at least five years behind the latest trends, so she can devote more time to her Tamagotchi.