Health & Fitness

“Low blood sugar” excuse for Tammy to be total nightmare

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A Luton woman’s ‘low blood sugar’ is a catch-all excuse for her to be as awful as she likes to the people around her whenever she’s a tiny bit hungry, it has been reported.

Tammy Collins, 25, claims to have “borderline borderline diabetes”, a condition the NHS Choices website refers to as “not a thing.”

“Basically, whenever I go half an hour or more without eating, I lose all control over my moods,” explained Tammy. “This isn’t just me being hangry; it’s not like I’m just an arsehole, it’s an actual medical problem.”

Tammy’s sister, Clara Collins, 27, said: “It’s not an actual medical problem. Tammy is just an arsehole.”

“The other day, we’d just eaten a massive pizza and out of nowhere, she told me I was looking ‘dry and haggard’. She then spent 30 minutes berating me about a top I’d borrowed once when we were teenagers and then demanded I go to the shop and get her a Daim bar ‘for health reasons’.”

“She can’t possibly have been hungry, she’d had a whole stuffed-crust pizza to herself.”

“What Clara doesn’t seem to understand,” said Tammy, “is that I suffer from a medical condition called pre-hunger. It has all the hallmarks of hunger, and it’s really important to pre-empt it, so it’s really not unreasonable to expect my family to be adequately prepared with delicious snack food.”

“Also, they should graciously put up with my crap.”

Sara Gibbs

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz, The Daily Mash and The Mash Report. Sara makes it her business to be at least five years behind the latest trends, so she can devote more time to her Tamagotchi.