Woman bulk buys 10,000 bobby pins, loses all within 48 hours

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A woman from Glasgow has set a new world record after losing a grand total of 10,000 bobby pins in the space of just 48 hours.

Jennifer Mancini, 22, had ordered a bulk shipment of brown, medium-sized bobby pins from Amazon on the 4th of April. By April 6th, none remained.

“I remember I used four or five when I got them out of the packaging,  but then when I got home in the evening, there were only twenty or so left,” she explained. “I thought my dog had eaten them, so we brought Nugget to the vets to get his stomach pumped, but all that was in there was some dog treats and a couple of pennies”.

“Why did I buy so many? Because I keep losing the pissing things.”

We contacted several experts to find out where exactly it is that these hair pins go. Marcia Bancroft, 35, theoretical physicist and author of the book Where Do My Single Socks Go When They’re Not in the Dryer and How Can I Spend Less Money on Replacement Socks?  envisages a bubble universes that exist parallel to our own, that objects like socks and bobby pins are inexplicably drawn to.

“It’s as if the universe knows innately how the be a massive pain in the arse. It’s almost beautiful in its way”,  she explained.

This, however, is of little comfort to Jennifer, who does not have the capacity for inter-dimensional travel. Amazon has so far refused to refund Jennifer, citing the pins’ disappearance as an “act of God”.

Emma Moran

Emma Moran is a writer and comedian who makes a living producing videos for the internet. Her work has previously been described as "witty", "fun" and "a cause for concern". She currently lives in London, sharing an apartment with two flatmates and some persistent damp.