Hollyoaks spoilers! It’s shit!

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Look away now if you don’t want to know what’s coming up in this weeks episodes of Hollyoaks. Have you looked away yet? If you didn’t read that last bit then we’ll assume you have, for everyone else here are some serious spoilers for you: first being, it’s utter shit!

Will Mandy and Steve get back together? Are there even characters called Mandy and Steve in the show? Who knows? To be honest, after The Simpsons finishes, I usually just turn over and don’t turn back until Channel 4 News is on. But aside from that, yes. Yes, they probably will. #MandyandSteve

Will the whole show be like watching a psychedelic headache through a kaleidoscope interspersed with models struggling to come across as human beings? Yes, yes it will. #Kaleidoscope

How will Farrah react to Ryan’s ultimatum? If you care, we can only assume you don’t have Netflix, the Internet and you’ve been trapped underneath a large cupboard for several days and you can’t reach the remote #CallForHelp

There you have it; hope we haven’t ruined too much of the “drama” for you! And if we have, well, why did you read past the first sentence?

Adam Baird

Adam is a regular contributor to The Daily Mash, having written over 500 stories for them in the last three years. He can also do a pretty much spot-on John Lennon impression. His formal education stops at 'Unfinished BTEC in Performing Arts.'