Three great brunch places to queue outside for four hours on a Sunday morning

By  | 

It’s Sunday! And Sunday can only mean one thing; Brunchtime! Well, it was originally meant to be a breakfast date, but no one wanted to leave the house before 10 am.  So here are our top three recommendations for places to stand outside for hours at a time, watching more punctual people enjoy themselves. No need to book, just show up and pray someone further down the queue gets some bad news and has to go home.

The Retro Place

All the coffee is in mismatched mugs, because why not?!? Is that an 80’s film poster on the wall?! Wow!! So many neon signs! So many cocktails named after types of vintage trainer! Yes, it’s Sunday, so why not start drinking at 11am? That’s not a warning sign, is it?  The ultimate place for queues, you can spend up to six days queuing here, so pitch up the week before you planned to be there to guarantee a table.

The Quirky Place

It’s a barge! It’s a greenhouse! It’s a bookshop but all the books are in Latin and Braille! It’s the quirkiest venue in the neighbourhood, and where better to stand than on a canal path as cyclists screech past, narrowly avoiding flinging you face first into the murky water below. A great bonus is that it doesn’t show up on Google maps, so no one will know where to meet, wasting even more precious Brunch time as you all wander aimlessly around. Make sure not to accidentally go into someone’s actual house! It’s so hard to tell where it is!

The ‘Fuck me, £17, I could buy all the ingredients for £3 in Tesco’ Place

Actual meadow flowers in glass vases, water brought to the table without having to ask, it can only be the most expensive Brunch place in town. The queue isn’t that long but they do stop serving breakfast foods at 10.30am, which means your only options are fish and chips or a steak pie.  Why not go there with some of your richer friends? Then you can enjoy the heart palpitations when they suggest splitting the bill.


Eleanor Morton

Eleanor Morton is a Scottish stand-up comedian, actor and writer, who has appeared on BBC Radio 4 and BBC Radio Scotland, as well as supporting Frankie Boyle and Stewart Francis on tour.