Revealed! Exciting new hair oil collab with the girl from The Ring

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A new and exciting hair oil collab between hair product manufacturer Jingle Beauty and Samara (the cursed girl from The Ring) has been revealed.

The new product, 7 Days of Shine will promise to reduce the appearance of split ends, moisturise hard-to-manage hair and restore hair that has been submerged underground in phantasmal bog water.

Laurence Bagnell, Head of Branding, said: “We were bouncing ideas off each other round the table one day at an advertising meeting, and suddenly it just came to me. I said, ‘guys, what about a hair collab with the dead girl from The Ring; she’s cursed and still keeps her hair long and healthy. Women will want to know her secret’ and everyone agreed.”

He added, “I know she’s very 2002, but everyone loves a resurrection, particularly if you have to haul it out of a haunted well.”

Lisa Burgundy, Video Producer for Jingle Beauty, said starting their advertising campaign was a bit of a struggle. “Granted, she basically flogs second-hand video tapes for a living, but I said to her, ‘look, the days of Blockbusters are gone, and DVDs are becoming increasingly outdated. Get yourself on YouTube, love.’ I mean, who’s this girl working for, Betamax?”

She added, “we desperately wanted her to become a YouTube influencer to sell this product, but it’s really hard to film with her when she keeps trying to crawl through the monitor and murder our subscribers.“

“She also found the ring light in front of the camera massively distracting for some reason. And it did bugger-all for her eye bags.”

Laurence commented, “we tried to go through some branding imagery together for the campaign; lighthouses, ominous chasms and suicidal horses  –  none of which particularly worked for our core market. We showed her some geometric designs and iridescent unicorn glitter for the packaging, but she didn’t seem up for it.”

He concluded, “we want this to be the only hair product you ever buy – realistically, it might be your last anyway. What a great marketing line that is.”

Ciara Jack

Ciara is a standup comedian and writer who recently had her ego validated by Funny Women by being nominated as one of their ‘Ones to Watch.’ She also writes and performs comedy sketches for BBC Radio Norfolk and Suffolk’s ‘New Comedy Show’ and is quickly becoming their regular Joanna Lumley impersonator. Her ‘not quite’ career path can be summarised by Julian Clary once telling her she could be his groupie.