The five best maxi-dresses for shutting in car doors

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Maxi-dresses are a summer must-have for those who don’t enjoy the sensation of peeling their hot arse off a leather couch. Elegant and breezy, their flowing lengths will get trapped in everything from car doors to your actual feet. They’re a giant cotton swab for the streets, allowing your dress to taste all the flavours of your holiday by dragging its hem through it. So, here are the top five maxi-dresses to shut in vehicle doors and puncture your moment of elegance.

This exotic maxi-dress

This fruity number will make you feel like you’re holding a pink cocktail garnished with fans of melon and pineapple in a tropical resort – preferably in a rainforest so exotic they had to bulldoze 50 species of endangered habitat to make it happen. This one has slits down the side that will reveal parts of your body to unsuspecting drivers as you yank it out of your friend’s Clio, which is a shame as this dress by corollary invites you to wear minimal underwear.

This very expensive maxi-dress

This dress is £138. When you trap this in a car door you’ll feel its market value fall immediately. But who cares?  You might be married to Sting. You might do head-stands at yoga, drink kombucha or insist that your daughter brings protein balls to birthday parties.

This colourful maxi-dress

In this dress, you’ll always be the ‘fun’ year 2 primary teacher. Its playful, colourful pattern will get shut into the minivan door without you noticing as you arrange the children into a trust circle.  This is made from polyester, though, so staining is not an issue for when Charlie inevitably vomits during the trip home.

This side-boob maxi-dress

This cheeky dress is named after the side-boob it will give you. Though, admittedly, the vertical folds will make you look like a windbreak with side-boob. This is a figure-hugging number that is actually quite hard to shut in car doors, but constantly adjusting the tiny breast windows means that you might actually manage it.

This floaty maxi-dress

Although sultry, this one has the option of being sheer and sexy or a maiden-style gown for those who go LARPing at weekends. You’ll sit and endlessly weave tabards, while your boyfriend chivalrously smacks Darren from IT around the face with a big foam halberd. You are likely to either trap this in the door of a taxi or under the hoof of the poor horse you’ve hired for your re-enactment wedding. The shade is ‘Dusky Green’. It’s grey.

Ciara Jack

Ciara is a standup comedian and writer who recently had her ego validated by Funny Women by being nominated as one of their ‘Ones to Watch.’ She also writes and performs comedy sketches for BBC Radio Norfolk and Suffolk’s ‘New Comedy Show’ and is quickly becoming their regular Joanna Lumley impersonator. Her ‘not quite’ career path can be summarised by Julian Clary once telling her she could be his groupie.