Lifestyle

Quiz! Are you really succeeding as much as you really fucking hope you are?

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You sit down to do something you’ve been meaning to do all week. Do you:

A. Read an article about how good it feels to use your time effectively.

B. Check your emails, social media accounts, bank balance, emails again, THEN do it.

C. Do it. Now you can do what you really want to do.

In terms of your career, are you:

A. Not quite there yet. I’m waiting for the patriarchy to collapse first, then I’ll swoop right in there.

B. Getting there. I’m in the right area and am refining skills based on my strengths. I probably won’t go for promotion though.

C. I’m there/pretty much there. I always want to improve my skills, but fuck sitting around while men get all the best jobs. The job is mine, sucker.

You get invited to a spontaneous weekday drinks with some good friends. Do you:

A. Convince yourself you’re one of those people who only needs 3 hours sleep and get rat-arsed. You lose your wallet and your phone, and you feel like shit the next day. Luckily, your friends think you’re a legend.

B. Go for one, just to show your face. End up staying for 3 and get a night bus home.

C. Go for a couple if you’ve got nothing else on. Don’t go if it breaks your 3 nights out a week rule. Sorry guys, gal gotta sleep.

Facebook tells you it’s your ex’s birthday. Do you:

A. Say nothing. You tell your friends how strong you feel having not messaged them.

B. Private message them, so the only embarrassment can be between the two of you.

C. Say Happy Birthday on his wall, or don’t. Does it matter?

Answers:

Mostly A’s: You think you’re doing well, but it’s only in your head, girl. Get your head out of your ass, put in the hours and you might actually get somewhere.

Mostly B’s: Meh. Maybe spend less time on Instagram.

Mostly C’s: You’re doing fine, goddammit.

Olivia Phipps

Olivia works as a freelance something-or-other in TV comedy, and has made tea on some of the very best (and utter worst) shows on telly. She also does bits and pieces for the British Comedy Guide and the Comedian’s Comedian Podcast. She hopes that her writing will have more clarity than this bio.