Woman’s winter office closure provides the best Christmas gift of all: a week away from Martin

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A Manchester woman reached peak Christmas cheer today after learning that her office would be closing for extra days over the winter break, leaving her with valuable time away from a difficult colleague.  

Greta Hornchurch, 31, has been working alongside more junior team member, Martin Williams, 28 since March. “Of course it’s great to have time off,” she spoke of the event. “The main thing I’m thrilled about isn’t the days off, though, but the prospect of having a few days of peace and quiet.”  

“Greta thinks I’m a right laugh,” said Martin, who makes the same wage as Greta despite lacking in qualifications and years of experience. “She struggles with computer stuff sometimes, but don’t they all! She likes having me around to give her a hand when things get stressful.”  

“For some reason he has decided it’s his job to teach me how to work a computer,” Greta told of the office dynamic. “He’ll stare over my shoulder whilst I work on a presentation, to give me ‘tips,’ then he’ll need me to show him how to use the printer again in the same afternoon.”

“Martin is very high energy,” said fellow colleague Laura Barnes, 27. “Once he started telling an anecdote in the morning, I left for a meeting, and he was still going when I got back after lunch. But the two of them have worked so closely together this year, I’m sure his absence will be felt.”

 “Yeah,” Greta agreed. “When I’m ripping a turkey’s insides out through it’s arse on Christmas morning, I’ll definitely be thinking of Martin.” 

Jodie Irvine

Jodie is a writer, actor and improviser. She has the stature of a child and loves having it pointed out to her by people she doesn't know very well. Jodie was voted "funniest girl in the year" in 2010 and has been riding that high ever since.