Health & Fitness

Why are you tired today? It’s probably a terrible disease

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Do you find getting out of bed tricky? Do you hit snooze for approximately two and a half hours every day, then have to text your boss and say that one of your pets has eaten the other one, again? Do you find yourself feeling sleepy, even when you’ve had 14 hours of sleep after a night out that culminated in an arrest in a karaoke bar? 

If you’re like most of us, getting up to face another day is a tribulation of epic proportions, but don’t worry – it might be because you have a terrible disease!


Are you getting more sleep than you need, and is this making you more tired? Get exactly as much sleep as we say to remain perky at all times. That’s the secret to being a perfect girl and/or pet dog and/or tamagotchi.

Demon possession

Feeling sleepy from time to time is normal, but if you’ve been fatigued for over three weeks, this could mean that an unseeable demon from hell is following you, sitting on your chest while you sleep and literally pinning you to the bed with its avian talons. Make sure you see a doctor if this is the case, because you might need a blood test to confirm your unholy dominion. 

You’re already dead

If you’ve been unable to move from your bed, eat, speak, breathe or circulate blood for a few weeks, then it’s possible you’re already dead. Make sure you see a doctor if this is the case, or take our handy quiz: “Which Game Of Thrones Character Are You, Based On How Dead You Are?”.

Catherine Brinkworth

Brinky is a writer with credits on BBC Radio 4 Extra's Newsjack. One day her autobiography will be called Brinky and the Pain.