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Woman working from home discovers new kink for masturbating on company time

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The quarantine has led to many self-discoveries, such as how many Digestives you can fit into your mouth at once, and how irritating your boyfriend is now you have to spend every waking second with him.

However, 26-year-old Bethan Jones has discovered something groundbreaking about herself; an unquenchable fetish for masturbating during the hours of 9-5 when she’s working from home.

“I can’t stop myself,” says Bethan, over a patch Zoom call, presumably having drained her internet scouring for porn. “It’s the thrill of using time that should have been spent replying to emails or sorting out spreadsheets.”

“It started off as just a cheeky bit of stress relief after a particularly anxiety-inducing chat with my boss, but now it’s become a compulsion. I’m actually edging all night, right up until 8.59, and then at 9am when I finally let myself orgasm it feels extra incredible because I know I’m also getting paid for my time.”

“Now everything turns me on though. The sound of a pen clicking, the sound Outlook makes when you get a new email, even watching re-runs of The Office puts me in the mood.”

“To be honest, I hope the lockdown never ends. I’ve never been more zen or satisfied in my life.”

Kat Sadler

Kat is a comedian, writer and mentally unwell bisexual. She's written for a whole bunch of stuff like Frankie Boyle's New World Order, The Mash Report, The News Quiz, The Daily Mash and other stuff, leave me alone mum, this is a real job. Check out her sad little blog here