Giddy up! Woman cowgirl rides her mum’s coattails to success

As we all know, becoming a famous journalist is really, really easy. Haha only kidding! It’s actually very hard I’m told.

But not to fear, I have some excellent tips and tricks for any budding journos out there!

1. Be the product of two rich people having sex

Oooo I said SEX, aren’t I naughty! I hope my Mum doesn’t read this! But seriously, parental wealth is literally so important here. No one cares about what poor people have to say, we’re all very aware of crisps and New Look thank you very much.

2. Have a parent in a high level of national government

Now this one can be a bit tricky as there are a limited number of cabinet positions – although there’s no limit on the number of positions I’ll try in the bedroom! What am I like! Sorry Dad!

But seriously, it doesn’t matter if they’re a horrendous piece of shit, people will find you interesting if your parent once paper clipped some files in a room in Whitehall. Hey, I don’t make the rules! My Mum does though.

3. Learn Write English Good

Now this is the one I found most difficult.  Luckily, I’ve found a very useful group of underlings called “proofreaders” and “subeditors” who will do the work for you.

Ideally find a gig on some kind of talk radio so you can totally banter with your Mum about taboo subjects like periods, sexuality or deporting hundreds of British citizens to countries they’ve never lived in.

So there you have it, honestly once you get those steps in place it’s a breeze….like…the breeze on my titties…when I’m wheelbarrowing…some guy from….ugh this is so hard I’m taking a nap.