Woman making fun of queue outside Primark can’t find size big enough for her privilege

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A woman who thinks the massive queues outside Primark as an absolutely hilarious sight to see has revealed that the real reason she makes jokes about it is because they simply don’t stock clothes large enough to house all her privilege. 

Emma Bradford, 28, said she boycotted Primark years ago, without a hint of a suggestion that it might be on part to do with her immense wealth that she has the ability to do that.

“It’s absolutely ridiculous seeing all these people queueing up to get in today,” she said. “What is it, Disneyland or something?” She laughs to herself as four thousand silver spoons fall out of her mouth.

“It’s just like I said to the ladies at Cheltenham festival before this all started. Honestly, the clothes are so badly made and rubbish, I don’t understand why people shop there at all when there are nicer shops available at double the price. What could possibly be holding them back from doing that?”

“Anyway, Primark is shit. For starters they have nothing in a size XXXL in inherited wealth. What am I supposed to wear to my next rich people gala? How can they not stock a single feather boa, pipe, monocle, and where are all the diamonds? It’s just not equipped for people like me, so I won’t be coming back.”

Succubus Magazine

This article was a collaboration between two or more of our in-house writers.