Dentist now the only man who’s been inside you in a year

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A Farnborough woman has set a new record today after she realised it has now been one whole year since her last sexual encounter. 

Rebecca Hilton, 26, made the discovery whilst scrolling through her pre-pandemic calendar in an attempt to pass time, where she found “Frank (Tinder)” amongst her engagements. 

“At first I thought, christ, that’s bleak,” Hilton shared. “But then I remembered that I had emergency wisdom tooth surgery in the summer, and then I didn’t feel so bad.” 

Realising she wasn’t as untouched by another as she initially thought has enabled Rebecca to look on the bright side. 

“My lockdown horn has reached new peaks,” Rebecca told of the event. “Phrases such as ‘deep cavity,’ ‘new filling’ and ‘you really should try and make these appointments more regularly so it’s not such a chore when you do come in’ really get me riled up now.” 

Dentist Dr. Michael Crown, 57, was unavailable to comment. 

Jodie Irvine

Jodie is a writer, actor and improviser. She has the stature of a child and loves having it pointed out to her by people she doesn't know very well. Jodie was voted "funniest girl in the year" in 2010 and has been riding that high ever since.