Career

Successful psychiatrist Hannibal Lecter accused of misconduct

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A prominent Baltimore-based psychiatrist has had his flourishing career put on hold by accusations of misconduct, including improper dismemberment and contraventions of food safety laws.

Dr Lecter, who has made many important strides in his industry, is a respected professional. His accusers, meanwhile, have chosen to remain anonymous because their remains have yet to be identified.

Speaking last night, a colleague said: “I’m in shock. He was always the picture of politeness towards me. I worry that these wild, unsubstantiated rumours that have come out of nowhere could really hurt his career.”

Dr Lecter is understood to be voluntarily in high-security police custody while the matter is, as he puts it ‘sorted out’. His guards say he is cheerful and eating well, despite the difficult week he has had.

Investigator for the prosecution Clarice Starling commented: “What the fuck are you talking about? Misconduct? I cannot emphasise enough how insane this angle is, what a dereliction of basic journalistic standards it represents.

“People need to know what he did and not in euphemistic terms. Basically, he…

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Rhiannon Shaw

Rhiannon is a comedian and writer from Wolverhampton. While at university she was a member of the Cambridge Footlights. Rhiannon has been UTI-free since 2016.