Boyfriend totally okay with you having male friends except for all the ones you’re currently friends with

Jacob Miller from Watford is a very laid-back guy when it comes to relationships, and doesn’t mind at all if now and again you grab a coffee with an old friend from school who just happens to be a man. He’s even totally chilled out about you staying after work to go for a drink with a male coworker. Hypothetically, he’s absolutely nonplussed about any friendships with men that you may want to have. However, he does have a specific problem with every single one of your male friends and his reasons are completely valid.

Of course you can’t be friends with Nick, the talented musician with a jawline so certain you wonder if it’s capable of expressing doubt. Nick clearly fancies you and your sex-filled friendship is wildly inappropriate.

Nor can you be friends with Michael, the smart and funny friend from university who’s now doing his PhD thesis on the female orgasm. You clearly only became friends with him to make Jacob jealous, despite this friendship predating your relationship with Jacob by over three years.

Have you considered making friends with men who you find less interesting, funny and charismatic? What about Jacob’s friend Simon? Simon’s personality is safely below average and, what’s more, you have so little in common that any conversation is likely to be stilted, awkward and one hundred per cent sex-free. Jacob would be fine with you being friends with Simon, for example.

Or why don’t you have a catch up with George from school? You know, the guy who used to cover his hands in glue just so he could pick the dried glue-skin off his hands because he said it made him feel like a butterfly emerging from a PVA cocoon. Jacob does not mind at all if you want to reconnect with George.

The main thing to remember though is that Jacob is a very relaxed guy when it comes to this sort of thing and you’re free to hang out with whomever you please, as long as it’s not Nick, Michael, Jason, Liam, Big Dave, Peter, Hot Alan, Simon, Rich Joe, Dylan or Thom “Large Penis” Harris.