You’re having a bust up over whether or not he was just listening to your story about your colleague, Amanda, whose laugh has been known to cause avalanches. Out of nowhere, he turns from a sweet, loving partner into a personification of the patriarchy, and calls you irrational. You gonna let him get away with that? Hell no. Here are some of our favourite comebacks to have at the tip of your tongue:
“So’s your face!”
This lets him know you’re not messing around and, more importantly, that he has an irrational face.
That oughta shut him up.
“I know you are but what am I?”
This lets him know that it is he who is the irrational one.
Burst into tears
He can’t argue with you if you’re crying, that’s the law.
“I can see you’re upset with me. Shall we discuss this calmly over a glass of Beaujolais?”
This is obviously a last resort, but it’ll make him feel like a right tit, won’t it. Downside: you’re going to have to quickly buy, and learn to like, Beaujolais.
Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz and The Daily Mash. Sara crushes Wotsits into a fine powder before eating the remnants with her face (or with a teaspoon, in polite company).