Four gorgeous bedspreads to inevitably period on at some point

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Spring is here -and what better way to spruce up your bedroom  than with these beautiful, pale, floral bed spreads that make the perfect blank canvas for your uterus?

Fresh white linen

This one is a little expensive, but it’s a small price to pay for getting to enjoy a pristine white bed spread for anywhere between one to three weeks. The 100% Egyptian cotton weave is guaranteed to soak in that period stain forever, no matter how hot a cycle you wash it on.

As an added bonus, you can track your sleeping positions over time by consulting the positions of your period stains, which will be perfectly preserved for the ages in this high-quality bedding.

Pale floral prints

Floral prints are back in a big way for 2018 and you would be a fool not to literally splash out on this beautiful and practical bed spread.

The randomised pattern means you can feasibly pass off a period stain as a preexisting feature, meaning you can sleep a little easier. Hell, why not risk it and only put in a regular-sized tampon before bed? No one will ever know!

Light beige

Beige can easily become bland, but thanks to your Auntie Flo, it won’t stay bland for long! The pale satin finish will instantly absorb and expand any spotting, so make sure to have this on your bed for those days when you think you’re done, but your uterus has other plans.

Mint green

For any men reading this article, don’t worry! This minty duvet cover can complement even the most masculine bedroom and strike sheer terror into the hearts of any female guests who can’t remember when exactly they’re due. This set is practically self cleaning, as any stains will be frantically scrubbed out by your overnight gal pal before you wake up.

Come on, gals, let’s kick off those heavy, dark winter colours and embrace the constant low-level anxiety of pastel interiors.

Emma Moran

Emma Moran is a writer and comedian who makes a living producing videos for the internet. Her work has previously been described as "witty", "fun" and "a cause for concern". She currently lives in London, sharing an apartment with two flatmates and some persistent damp.