Woman gets maximum Facebook likes staging graduation on beach riding elephant

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A Horsham woman has ‘won’ Facebook today by ticking all the boxes in her latest profile picture.

Shannon Morgan, 20, explained: “I started by conducting intense market research. I looked at what was doing well on Facebook and what got the highest number of likes. Likes are the only way society now has of quantitatively measuring whether you’re worth anything as a human being.”

“Then it just occurred to me – why not just combine all of the things that do well on Facebook together to get the most likes possible? It’s never been done before. I’m a trailblazer for the social media community.”

Shannon was thrilled when her picture successfully gained maximum likes, meaning she has won Facebook.

She exclaimed, “I’d like to thank everyone involved in taking the picture, my university for allowing me to graduate in Bali, and the elephant sanctuary for drugging the shit out of a beautiful creature just so that I could ride it.”

“I’m just waiting for my prize now,” Shannon concluded. “I heard you get a congratulatory letter from Mark Zuckerberg in the post.”

Next, Shannon plans to construct a pithy political tweet that will probably get maximum retweets and break Twitter.

Kat Sadler

Kat is a comedian, writer and mentally unwell bisexual. She's written for a whole bunch of shows like Frankie Boyle's New World Order, The Mash Report, The Jonathan Ross Show, The News Quiz, The Daily Mash and her own stuff too, thanks for asking. Check out her sad little blog here