Woman who survives whole day on cereal bar is Satan’s cousin

An Ipswich woman who regularly survives a day in the office on just one cereal bar is Satan’s second cousin.

To the dismay of her colleagues, accountant Sarah Bryce, 27, doesn’t eat anything until she nibbles on a Special K Bar at 2pm.

John Hobbs, 43, who sits opposite her in the office, explained: “I don’t know how she does it. I struggle to wait till midday before I scoff down a footlong sub. If I haven’t eaten by 1pm, I’m literally a waste of space.”

“And she’s one of those people who takes a bite of the cereal bar, puts it down on her desk and doesn’t take another one for ages. Mental.”

Lisa Andrews, 32, another colleague of Sarah’s, said: “I used to wonder how she could brighten up the place by only having an 84-calorie cereal bar. But finding out she’s related to the antichrist and the face of true evil explains everything.”

“I can now happily get on with my day, knowing that our finance manager has the blood of the being who created the cold circle of hell.”