Nutrition! Ciara’s vegan cookbook ‘purely decorative’

A London woman has been forced to admit that she has never even so much as skim-read her vegan cookbook, after some actual vegans came for dinner.

Ciara Farrell, 25, was asked to make something from “that vegan cookbook”. After a few feeble attempts at spiralising a courgette, and trying to stall by repeating the word “courgetti” and laughing maniacally, Ciara was forced to admit that the vegan cookbook was more about “creating an aesthetic”.

“Oh come on,” said Ciara. “It’s not like anyone’s actually vegan, right? We’re all just pretending to make each other feel like shitty people, aren’t we?”

Ciara’s house guests, Matt Hamlin, 26, and Ella Dorchester, 27, disagreed.

“I haven’t tasted cheese in about five years,” confessed Ella. “I’m pretty sure most of us are actually vegan, and that Ciara is just a bit of a poser. Having said that, if we’re all just faking it, could somebody let me know as soon as possible? I wouldn’t mind a cheeky slice of pizza.”