Winter wonderland! Woman looking forward to growing her armpit hair into a lush forest

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Winter is coming, and nowhere is this more abundantly clear than in a Warwickshire woman’s underarm area. Out are the rashes, razor-bumps and circle-of-shame sweat stains of summer, and in its place the cosy, comforting sensation of a properly hairy pit.

“Now that it’s mid-November I can get away with about an inch of matted curls,” explained Claire Granger, 27. “But by December I’m going for kind of a mini-Gandalf-beards effect. Heaven.”

In the past, Claire has taken to measuring her armpit-hair growth, one particularly cold winter managing a full eighteen centimetres. This had to stop, however, when concerned friends and colleagues finally convinced her that this was “unsettling”, “gross” and “not what Snapchat is actually for”.

The need for the cultivation of surplus pubes dates back to pre-historic times, when humans needed the extra fuzz to keep warm during the winter months. But today, as Claire points out, “I’m going to be wearing a cardigan every day anyway, so fuck it.”

As soon as January rolls around, she will return to shaving, but only if she knows for certain she will be wearing a short-sleeved top, going swimming or taking part in any other form of public exercise.

Kate Hinksman

Kate is a comedy writer who has contributed to BBC Radio 4Extra’s Newsjack and CBBC’s Class Dismissed. In 2014, she was shortlisted for the Funny Women Writing Award. If she was an Avenger, her superhero name would be Brown Recluse.